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Baseball Week [ Jul 8 - 14 ] You know what my dad considers one of the most favorite times of the year ? It’s Baseball Week ! Surprised ? I don’t blame you, seeing that my ol’ man has never been a sports fanatic… He even has his own name for the week - it’s ‘Meditation Week’ for him ! Figure that one out if you can. Actually, his fondness for this week started pretty long ago, when I was young. My buddy Rick is nuts about baseball ‘n he’d often come over to our place with his mates for a game in our garden. Pop’s hair always stood on end whenever he spotted a baseball bat or ball ! Can’t blame him too… we’d broken enough windows ‘n trampled countless plants in our sports frenzy, so it’s quite understandable. You must be wondering how he could love Baseball Week after all this ? Well, it was the only time when me, Rick n our buddies would be away at the grounds for extended periods of time ‘n poor dad would get some well deserved peace ‘n quiet. The tradition still continues… Rick moves about in a trance like a zombie in ‘n around this week and so it’s the only time in the year when he doesn’t come screeching into our driveway at top speed giving my ol’ fella a minor heart attack. No wonder even dad thinks that Baseball Week is cool !

Fool's Paradise Day [ Jul 13 ] It’s that time of the year when you get the license to kill err…fool ! It’s Fool’s Paradise Day ; what better can I ask for….my mind was swirling with ideas to play a prank and spare no one….while I was scheming my wily schemes, the phone rang….. Before I could say “Hello” “Bobbbb !” Of course, it’s my granny, she never came to terms with the idea that Graham Bell is dead and it’s been years since we can hear better through phone. She prefers the yelling tone. “Hi, how you doin” “Bob, you heard the sad news ?” Which one - she always quizzes me. “Tell me” “Bob ! You should know things happening around you, July 4th….( a pause to kindle my memory) Bobby, it was the car crash on the highway, route 11, the guy had a bit too much to drink and nose-dived” “Oh !” “Reckless driving….no discipline and you should see the Fox News choppers stooping low to get the pictures, scary” “Ya” “And the man starts walking at 2 a.m., can you believe that?” “Who ? The guy in the car” “Bobby….(a disappointed tone- you never understand) it’s your grandfather, the old man, he paces around the living room at the middle of the night.” “Oh, ok” “Are you coming home for Christmas ?” “But, this is July” When did she listen to me ? Hmm… “So, are you still seeing Mercy” “Granny, that’s Meggy’s pet poodle, not a gal” “Whatever, I don’t know why you don’t respond to whatever I say, no manners, no manners…hmm…and tell ya what Bob, you should talk sense sometimes….gotta go….the News is on” Yeah, Right ! Click !

Friday The 13th [ Jul 13 ] You gotta hand it to Steve ! He is so in with aliens and extra-terrestrial beings that I can almost see an antenna poking out of his head. Well, Friday The 13th is his second best day of the year, of course after Halloween. And so treat him right, to be specific, to scare him cold we planned on a Scary House trip last year. Steve just grinned at the idea and gave us a 15-minute presentation about how he wouldn’t be scared or take aback. You know, we thought maybe this is not a good idea. Anyways, stuck to our guns and pulled him to Ghost Galore. Meggy and Aaliyah shriek if they see a cat forget the ghost; they were clinging to my arms at both sides and me, yours truly, myself get goosebumps just watching Evil Dead….got to act like a man, what ya say….so with gritted teeth and semi-closed eyes began the journey. Ron the perennial prankster looked all macho until the door opened. He literally went weak on the knees and suffered a mild stroke when the guy opened the door….bravo ! Now, he was comfortably almost piggybacking on my shoulder. So our entourage moved ahead with the anti-panic Steve leading the way. The Scary House was well, scary actually quite scary. There were the skeletons, the midgets jumping around in weird clothes, dark corners leading to even more dark corners, the calm hallways breaking open with eerie voices ! I could feel myself sweat and Meggy almost in tears, and Aaliyah hanging on to my hand for her life and Ron, I guess he was unconscious. He has stopped shouting long back. But hats off to Steve, he didn’t flinch even a bit. Somehow we were through with our journey but for the last curve. We could see the door and as we turned to move out Steve abruptly stopped and gave the biggest shriek ever by human clan. Well, we all joined the party and there we went like “wolves in the woods.” Saw what shrieked Steve and found - guess what - a man-sized mirror ! Smile ! Grin ! Ohmigod ! Peals of laughter ! Steve with his geeky glasses and God-knows-what attire has sneaked a glimpse of himself to scare himself cold. You should’ve seen him go pink….worth a trip in the Mad House !

Pandemonium Day [ Jul 14 ] Grrrrrr ! Whoever knew that Donna had this nasty streak in her ? Let her come to office today and I’ll give her a piece of my mind. And it ain’t gonna be a tasty piece, I can tell you ! Not that she’s done anything nasty of late… But I just checked the calendar ‘n noticed that Pandemonium Day was jus’ around the corner; which is when I remembered what had happened exactly one year before ! Actually, it was Megan’s idea. She’s never up to any good ‘n was looking for a way to get my hackles up on that day. So she asked Donna for some ideas. You know how these girls band together to shred poor guys like me to pieces when it takes their fancy… So Donna coolly lent her pet puss Mr. Ruffles to Meggie with instructions to put her to optimal use ! Poor Bob the victim had been set up ‘n didn’t even know what he was in for ! The ‘fun’ started during the early morning of the D-day… I was rudely awakened to a crescendo of sounds - ‘Boom,’ ‘Crashhhh,’ ‘Woof,’ ‘Clang,’ ‘Meeeeow,’ ‘Crrrrrack,’ ‘Bow wow…’ I’d barely rubbed my eyes open when a hot fur-ball jumped on my face ! Then, bleary eyed, I saw two vicious looking dogs tearing at me ! I screamed ‘n jumped and made a beeline for the toilet, leaving a mini pandemonium in my wake ! Then, spying through a slit in the door, I figured out what had happened. Someone had let loose the warring factions in my room… the two pooches Pirate ‘n Kong on one side ‘n the pesky Persian cat Mr. Ruffles on the other ! As usual, they were at each others’ throats creating a major pandemonium in my bedroom ! Urrrrgh ! Even the memory makes my blood boil. Let Donna come today… I’ll show her what ‘pandemonium’ exactly means !

Ice Cream Day [ Jul 15 ] Okay, guys… this is an early warning announcement ! Anybody who lives in and around Kelly’s neighborhood better rush out ‘n get your weekly quota of milk in advance before stocks run out ! And trust me, there’s a good chance of that happening ! So while you’re getting your pots ‘n pans in order, lemme give you some background information about the impending crisis. As most of you folks are aware, my geeky buddy Steve is somehow responsible for most of the weird things that occur in our city. This time is no exception. And he precipitated this crisis with a single comment to Kelly… (while munching on her delicious cookies ‘n pies too, the cheek of the fella !) Our whole gang was nicely sitting around and devouring the delicacies Kelly had prepared for us when suddenly Steve remarked, “Kelly can do magic with cookies ‘n cakes, but is she any good with ice-cream ?” You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. Then we watched as Kelly turned dark red in anger… “This Ice Cream Day,” she declared with vehemence, “I’m going to show the whole neighborhood whether Kelly can make great ice-cream or not !” She glared at Steve ‘n continued, “And you’re gonna love it soooooo much, that on Peach Ice Cream Day you’re goin’ to come begging to Kelly for more of the magic stuff !” Oops ! Get the milk, guys. Time’s running out !

Hug Week [ Jul 15 - 21 ] You know how to mess up in a date ?! Ask the pundit, well, that’s me ! Aaliyah and I took a detour of our favorite haunt on Chrysanthemum Day. She was dressed in my favorite white sneakers and hip-fit jeans and looked a doll. Her hair was made into a bun and the disturbed strands of hair that flew in all directions when the breeze chose to fan her made her look a kid. I kept chanting the McDonald slogan all the while, “I’m Lovin’ It.” When she decided enough of the stroll and it’s time to yak, I moved around to fetch her a random riot of colors in the form of Chrysanthemums and she reciprocated with a face full of smile ! Cute ! She held the flowers close and was almost cuddling and talking to them when I interrupted to tell her how much I love her ! She gave her famous smile, smoothed the unruly grass spread near her foot, and went “Bob, I know you love white, tell me something, am I really beautiful, I mean, what do you like the best on me today, is it my hairstyle or my attire ?!” I gave her my evil-grin and said, “You know what Aaliyah, I like your sense of humor.” Well, I have a sick sense humor, alright. You should’ve seen her, she was momentarily taken aback, her face visibly grew small, and she withdrew into a shell in a moment and slowly, very slowly started sobbing. Oh, ha! Here I go ! Cursing myself, I pulled her in for a hug; she struggled away and wouldn’t talk. Hmm…I had to render a full unconditional apology spanning 15 minutes and promise of not repeating the mistake, and of course, to buy her one big Italian Pizza, seats on the Box for the Saturday Night play off, and to keep my word of wearing socks every time I wore shoes. What it got to do with what I did ? Whatever ! Girls ! Guys, let me warn you, think before you speak, especially to your loved one !

Surprised ?

Christmas In July [ July ] Kate simply needs an excuse to go shopping, so she’s the one who’s most excited about Christmas In July. Steve, too busy to take his eyes off his newly acquired iPhone, simply brushed aside Kate’s offer of accompanying her to Macy’s. Not surprising, since anybody who goes shopping with Kate invariably gets lost under a pile of heavy packages pretty soon ! I tiptoed out before she could latch on to me, her favorite guinea pig on such excursions ! Megan ‘n Kelly, of course, are backing Kate to the hilt ! “Whatever they can do Down Under, we can do better !” That’s their philosophy ! Girls, I tell you !!! Anyway, good ol’ Kelly has taken responsibilities for all the foodie-goodies for the whole gang ‘n Megan’s in charge of the decorations. Well, when the girls gang together, you better fall in line ! ‘N when there’s the promise of so much tasty food, how can I say “No” ? Even Kong ‘n Pirate have gone crazy, taking turns jumping ‘n yapping on the terrace all day ! Rick figures that it’s the smell of chocolate that makes them crazy. But I have a sneaking suspicion that they’re just giving a wake-up call to poor ol’ Santa !

Workaholics Day [ Jul 5 ] Hmmm… Workaholics Day is fast approaching ‘n we’re wondering how to get the Boss out of office on that day. Our top secret meetings have been going on for a while, but there’s hardly a decent solution in sight ! It’s never a problem when Donna’s around. She’s pretty much everybody mom in office ‘n even Mr. Big is wary around her. So on such occasions she jus’ barks, “You’ve been quite a pain for the last few days, Mr. B, ‘n in my humble opinion you should simply take a break ‘n chill out, RIGHT NOW !” You wouldn’t believe it, but the Boss packs up pronto when he sees Donna in that mood. We daren’t trying it, of course… then it wouldn’t be Mr. B who’d be doing the packing ! Our resident foodie Ron thinks that giving a ‘subtle’ hint, like getting a five-foot high cake and singing “Happy Workaholics Day” as the Boss came in would do the trick ! What’s your take on that, guys ?

Father And Daughter Take A Walk Together Day [ Jul 7 ] Steve our resident gadget-freak was on cloud nine since Steve Jobs unveiled the idea of Apple iPhone. He literally tracked every news sites, magazines, et al to find a tit-bit of the same. As Stephen Colbert said, “the iPhone launch is the second most important event in human history, after the birth of Christ !” Sigh ! Megan lives in an apartment a stone’s throw away from the outlet that houses the phone. Hmm…yup, you guessed it right…he begged himself into her place and over the dinner imparted his wisdom on the magic gadget(?) to Meggy’s father. Megan and her old man were not in the best of terms and naturally there was friction and silence. The nosy Steve smelled it and hit upon an idea. The more he eulogized the iPhone the more curious Meggy’s pop got and he got almost convinced that he could see a halo behind Steve’s head, you know, Steve gives that appearance when he is sucked into the maelstrom of his gadget passion course. Meggy too was excited hearing Steve yak, you see, it is infectious ! Anyways, the feuding family and Steve rose early for a peek at the phone wonder and went jogging errr.. rather walking together. The early morning walk with its dew-cocktailed breeze stirred the soul of the old man, I guess…he held the hand of his girl, Meggy, and there you could a sprint in his step. You know it was poetic what with it being Father And Daughter Take A Walk Together Day. You should’ve seen Steve; the perpetrator of the wonder, for once the machine-man felt emotional and tell ya what, like you all, me too proud of my buddy-bud Steve.

Chocolate Day [ Jul 7 ] I was captivated by a most interesting sight as I came to office today ! The eternally ‘warring partners’ Kate ‘n Ron were sitting side by side. That is a surprising sight in itself, but what really astonished me was the absolute contradiction of emotions on their faces ! There was Ron, sitting with a smile of supreme happiness and gazing at me with glazed eyes… radiating peace ‘n serenity like a visiting Bishop from Vatican. Jus’ next to him, Kate sat with a worried expression, flipping absentmindedly through the phone book. There was no point waking Ron from his reverie, so I asked Kate, “What’s going on, buddy ?” She answered with a non sequitur, “Can you book a hospital bed in advance ?” Okay, I understood. Big Trouble. “Ron’s jus’ discovered that this week’s chock-a-bloc with chocolaty delights,” Kate continued, “So I’m wondering what do to with him after he pigs out ‘n falls sick by Monday.” A valid concern, I’d say. With Chocolate Day and Milk Chocolate with Almonds Day [ Jul 8 ] in rapid succession, Ron’s sure to choke on the chocolates ! Now I understand why Ron’s zonked out in a meditative bliss. You see, I’m kinda feeling that way myself !

Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Omelette Day [ Jul 8 ] One yolky joke for you, “When egg slips and drops onto a concrete how do you stop from breaking it ?” hmm….think, think….here it goes, “Well, there isn’t an egg that would break a concrete silly; of course, if it isn’t a dinosaur egg.” In love, surprise works ! Well, that’s the moment of Zen given to me by Megan. It’s always fun to pore through personal diary of a girl, actually I got to sneak into the Year Planner of Aaliyah. And what did I see, “Birthday” marked on July 8th, Voila ! Now that’s a definite chance to impress. I immediately set to work, the bouquets, cards from the ever-inviting 123Greetings, the angel-shaped “Aaliyah” tattooed cake, and the goodies. I even invited my gang to my place, extending invite to her little bro and close friend too was the icing on the cake. Then I made the remarkable call to Aaliyah, “hey, would u like to come by today evening to my place ?” “Sure, but what’s it about Bob ?” Sigh ! “Do you always answer a question with a question, girls !” “Bob !....okay fine, I would be there….but it better be worth it.” “You bet.” Click. 5:30 p.m. We were all ready complete with the balloons, champagne all that and everything and waited for her to barge in for a surprise. I even rehearsed yelling “surprise” with my gang. And she knocked the door. When she entered to she heard the cry of surprise and the confetti showered on her and she was literally taken back and she couldn’t stop smiling and blushing. She looked at me with a “what’s-this-all-about” look and I just winked. When she took a peek at the cake with her name engraved wishing her birthday she understood. She just smiled at me and cut the cake as we bided her and then popped the champagne for all to savor. Beautiful evening we had and when the movers and shakers left home to nap, I and Aaliyah sat down for a moment together.” “That was sweet” she said. I beamed bright, “For you !” “How did you know” “Sneaked into your Year Planner” Winked. “Hmm…Bob, my birthday is in October…today is my mom’s that’s why I made a slight note about it, you see, I can never forget the date.” It was vindication, I mean, the day is “Don’t put all your eggs in one omelette Day and it stood vindicated. Egg on my face. Still, “But that’s so sweet of you to do whatever you did, I didn’t want to disappoint you…I never knew when I was born that I was born….the day doesn’t matter, but you know, the way you have made this all up and that glow on your face expecting me to like it all, you know what, I loved it, if it could be, let this be my Birthday, I love you Bob.” Well, a man can handle only to a limit. I broke our personal record for the longest kiss ever that very moment !

World Population Day [ Jul 11 ] To hail a cab at downtown New York is one tough job. Well, the point is I got one. The cab snailed through peak hour traffic and when we hit a free intersection, the driver stomped hard on the accelerator. Vroomed through the empty roads and that’s when I chose to tap on his shoulder to ask him to slow a bit. You know I get nervous when I don’t control the wheel. The fellow flinched on my touch, braked and shrieked and I thought it’s Armageddon before he finally grounded to a halt. With a perspiring face he turned back and spat, “Never ever do that mate” and I went, “I just tapped you, what’s the problem.” “Well, it’s not actually your fault, this is the first day on my job, I used to drive the mortuary vans with dead bodies as passengers before.” Ah ! there you have it. On World Population Day this incident seemed kinda eerie and surreal and of course, fearfully funny. Jokes apart, I made it a point to share a few cards to my friend reminding them of the day and the awareness to control the population of our clan to save the habitat.