I’m so haggard and spent ! Ask me why ?

Kiss And Make Up Day [ Aug 25 ] We fight like cats and dogs at least thrice in two days. Of course, she is always right, even when she is wrong ! Yes. It has become a routine nowadays. I and Aaliyah are growing up traditionally as any other good couple does. We had set a date to meet yesterday night and she never showed up. Her excuse was, she fell asleep in the late evening and just slept all the way through, until morning. Wow ! I was justifiably fuming and didn’t call her. Of course, she came calling in the evening. I beckoned her in and showed the couch. All set for a chat, when she asked, "Bob, you just don’t keep your place tidy, do you ?" "Hmmm.... you are all the way here to ask this, right ?" I retorted. "Hey, I just wanted to kill time and that's it!" She gave back. "Oh Yeah ! I’m an walking Late Night Show host !" I was hurt. "I walked around a mile, searching your place" she confessed. "That's not my damn problem" I was angry. "You talk shit!" she roared. And I threw the Diet Coke I had in hand like an enraged pitcher and it bounced all over the room, scattering the silence to shreds. She started crying; yes, literally, tears were flowing down her cheeks. Is she this sensitive ?! I sat beside her, "Hey Aaliyah, I’m sorry..." She was still crying, if anything a bit louder. I took her hand, bent my head and gave her a tentative kiss on the back of the palm. She cleared off the tears on her cheeks, leaned on my shoulder and whispered, "You kissed me ?!" "No, I dropped my lips accidentally on your hand" "You kissed me?!" again... "Yeah ?!" How should I react here...I was stammering... "Kiss me" She said. "What ?!" I was confused. She moved her face near mine. Her lips were half open, her eyes piercing mine; I kissed her on the lips ! When the lips gave way for the tongue to speak, she said, "I hate you" and smiled. "I too !" I said happily. Then, the sweet-nothings started.........

Toilet Paper Day [ Aug 26 ] On our trip to Macy’s, we happened to hit a diner to have a bite. I and Steve hit the restroom as our bladders were full after the warm beer....Anyways, we were there and what did I see...“We Aim To Please, You Too Aim, Please!“ Hmmm....I shouldn’t have read it during my performance (?), you see, I started breaking into a giggle and in a jiffy, I had soiled my trousers. Sure enough, everyone’s gonna think it was an accident. I had to wait out for a while, but no signs of drying....what do I do ?! Some luck...I jus don’t have a magical horseshoe to wipe off my misery ! Peeled off a good meter of toilet paper from the roll, and set out to dry. Well, when I came back to the table...there were squeals of laughter. Why wouldn’t it be ? The white-tissue savior of mine was all over the trousers in tiny pieces, making up a collage of embarrassment. Sigh ! This Toilet Paper Day I am sure Steve and Meggie are gonna bombard me with cards, reminding me of my misadventure...!

Dog Day [ Aug 26 ] Kong, my pet poodle, is the cynosure of all eyes when strangers come calling. Of course, you know he is too smart to be a dog. I mean, as we all know he is up to tricks all the time. Of course, I rant about it one and all and made him look a villain in the minds of my pals. But when they are here and wanna see some fun, he becomes so cool and cozy. If I yell, “Bang“ “Bang“....he will play dead invoking shrieks of amazement from my buddies. Hmm...to be fair....he isn’t that bad, you know...In the mornings when I’m still dozing away to glory, he sneaks into my room, snuggles next to me and just waits and waits till I open my eyes...I mean, he wouldn’t even try to lick or paw...but just wait. And I thought he was a five-sensed one ! He’s a buddy, my Kong. This Dog Day, he’s gonna get whatever he wants. Of course, he doesn’t bark orders, but I know the drill. The usual : Juicy bones to long walks. Yes, Kong, I hear you, you got it !

Commercial Day [ Aug 28 ] I and Meggy were friends before Steve hit it off with us. Listen up people, this is how I and Steve met for the first time. Megan had invited me over to dinner and had told me that she will be introducing me to her friend Steve. And so I went hands in pockets, empty pockets, to feast. Meggy introduced me to Steve and the dinner was fabulous. When we were almost done and ordered the dessert, Meggy got a call from a friend. Her friend has had an accident and the 911 caller had directed an ambulance, which had taken her to a hospital. Now, hearing the news, Meggy was in a hurry to go. And we urged her to move on and there she went. I and Steve settled into our rhythm of slow talk, sipping the black coffee when suddenly it struck me. I don’t have enough money to pay the check. I heard later, Steve too realized the same at the same time. So, I thought upon an idea. I started to go slow on the coffee. I mean, I started to sip it real slow so that I wouldn’t be through with my ordeal of finishing the dinner and if Steve is through first, he has to pay. Of course, as with all like-minded idiots, Steve too hit up on the same plan. So there we were, pretending to sip one cup of coffee for an hour until Meggy came to save us. Hmm.... this is how Steve entered my life. No wonder....the geeky goose is still a pain albeit a sweet one.

Gimme your ear…

Send An Email Day [ Aug 9 ] Kong is computer-savvy ! Yup…smirk at your own risk. He poses to the webcam better than any human. When Kate hits the keys to chat with studs all around the globe they get to see Kong along with her in the cam. Talk about security. Naturally, all the handsome hunks looking for a gala time turn all decent and good. He has even mastered the art of hitting the Enter key with his rough paw. Whenever the screen blinks to life, be rest assured that Kong will be there striking a pose. And you should see Kate email her anonymous admirers. She composes something like this, Hey Bud, You look cool on the cam, but what about the tattoo on the arms eh ?! Looks like a gal’s name ?! Is it Kellie ? Grow up Big Boy ! And take care of your voice…never talk to a girl when drunk…you literally choked saying your name….too much partying eh ?! Of course, forget about a date….if you insist, Kong is too keen to accompany me, wanna take a bet ?! Chill! Kate. Indeed. There’s never a reply to her mail. Hmm…one smart Kate, what say ?!

Romance Day [ Aug 11 ] Did I ever mention Jenny to you people ? Nah ! Bad…hmmm….she is the One who made Steve ditch the aliens and stars, albeit for a while. You know something’s fishy when our lazy Steve wears the perfect pair of sneakers and has his turtle neck attire zipped right. Ask him and his index finger fondly points to Jenny…the babe ! Yup ! She has the gift of the gab, the dressing sense of a model, which literally translates to “barely clothed” and to top it all, she has a French accent, beat that ! Of course, Steve found everything sexy about her. He even managed to ask her out. Hmm…that’s something…I’m proud of my buddy. But, give it to Steve to a perfect evening into a catastrophe. Well, it began right. He took her to dinner and then after the dessert, they ordered drinks ! Perfect. You see, drinks after dessert leaves the options open…! Smart ! But, then…Jenny went, “Steve, can we hit the floor, I feel like a dance.” Now you should know, Steve has hundred left foot and he can barely walk straight, forget dancing…but our boy was too proud to decline, so he accepted…just not that…he went a step ahead, “So…how do you trace the floor ?” Jenny queried sarcastically…and Steve blurted, “Salsa...yes, salsa…” Don’t know where it came from, maybe the movies…and guess what ? Jenny was impressed….she took the lead and stepped on the floor…and Steve…yeah…he literally traced the floor and moved so fast that he danced with every lady on the floor, of course, except Jenny…you see, she was floored, I mean literally sprawled on the floor by one of his quick “moves.” When the moment passed, you could see him hoisted on the bar table like a flag pole. Need say ?! Jenny scooted. He just vanished. I mean, he didn’t take calls, neither did he meet anyone…he just vanished in thin air. We didn’t have a choice, but to meet Jenny. I, Megan, and Ron passed on his vanishing act and she was upset too. I mean, she said, she was naturally put off for making a fool of himself and her, but he wasn’t that bad…in fact, he is cute ! Hmm…girls have weird taste, I thought. Anyways…a week had passed and our Steve reappeared. You know what he did…he threw a party and invited all of us in. And once the dinner was through…he took Jenny by hand and breezed his way through salsa, mesmerizing everybody…the naughty little brat has gone on hibernation, just to learn the steps and resurrect his romance…Jenny was floored…well…!

Son’s And Daughter’s Day [ Aug 11 ] Mrs. Bradley is kindness personified alright and when it comes to her Son, Michael, who’s serving in Iraq, she gets teary-eyed. She dabs the tissue so often that jump starts your own lacrimal glands, well, they produce the tears (just parading my high IQ). She seats herself in the garden, surrounded by her favorite primroses and just sews and designs something on a milk-white Larry King-like suspender supported attire. Of course, it touched me when I cared to peek on her masterpiece. It turned out that she has embroidered her son’s name in the middle of the shirt “M - I - C - H - A - E - L” with a heart sign at the bottom. “How’s it Bob ?! Will Mike like it ?” she queried. “Of course, Mrs. Bradley, he is gonna like it and tell you what…send it to him on Son And Daughter’s Day, it will make his day.” And so she did. She thanked me profusely for reminding her of the day and yeah, folks, the day where the family needs to unite is beckoning, so gear up and have some fun with your old man and mom.

Financial Awareness Day [ Aug 14 ] Aaliyah has exactly a few hundred plus things in her purse and of course, she can count and name them precisely. And my wallet has as its proud occupants, nothing but cash and cards. She knows I am a spendthrift and I give a damn. Well, there comes a rainy day, you see, and I went broke; couldn’t even afford a double brick ice cream for her. She didn’t take offense, but considered my plight and sat me down for a dressing down. “Bob, you jus’ don’t need to spend it all you know… … “Hey, Aaliyah…look, I’m not like that okay ?!” My male ego hurts. “No Bob, that’s not what I mean…listen…let’s put it this way…you spend as much as you want, but just keep a record of everything and just go over it at the end of the month…please, baby, listen to me, wont you ?! When was the last time a guy said “No” to a beautiful girl ? “Okay, but I don’t see a point…still, since you ask” Of course. One month passed and I religiously kept an account of things…when I sat down to go over it…well…what do you call that….hmm…a “damned fool” right ?! That’s how I felt. I mean, I had fooled around with hard-saved greenbacks on frivolous things and by God, wasn’t she right…leave it to the girls to splurge and save ! I learnt my lesson….how about you guys ?! It’s Financial Awareness Day. Now, you got an option, either manage your money or turn over the accounts to your beloved and just sit back and relax. It works !

Vroooom ! Screech ! Bob’s in a gala mood buddies…search me !

Friendship Day [ Aug 5 ] Yeah ! Our gang goes berserk given a chance, but we are touchy too when it demands. Imagine Megan, the livewire, going cliche dramatic. Hmm…hell broke loose when Steve, ever-the-inquirer, popped the question, “Meggy honey, who’s your best pal of the lot ?” and rolled his eyes and winked too for extra effort and rolled his eyes for brownie points. And Meggy started with a preamble, “Everyone of you guys !!” Sigh ! Girls ! They never choose ! “Come on, Meggy…that’s not fair,” I opined. “Nah ! Bobby, it’s just that way, I just can’t single out; each one of you has been there for me when I needed it the most. What are friends Bob ?! See, I am not flattering you all, okay ?! Winked* hmmm…Steve has put off all his eccentric ways to stand by me when I had a feud with my friend and Ron, “the chef-who-serves-himself,” had gone starving just to be with me when I was down and blue after I lost my first job, and you, Bob, you have stood down your ego for me when we both knew that I am perfectly wrong in an argument, but still, since I was mad about something, you just listened and let me pour and curse….I don’t crave for dollar dreams guys, but friends like you….bottom line, “You were there !” Happy Friendship Day folks ! I thought we were all dead, I mean, I didn’t hear or see anyone breathe…! We just gang-hugged her, wished, and screamed…Ohmigod !….She really can give you goosebumps !

Cards For Sister [ Aug 5 ] My sis Debbie, the smart one, used to be quite a prankster…yes, you heard that right…she can beat me hands down at that any day. When Uncle John gets us our routine Black Forest Cakes, it’s for us to share. Of course, she being the elder, she gets to decide the portions. Decide, she does and how ?! She gives me the bigger cut coz I am young and she is a grownup…(her logic) and once time to savor…she finishes her share fast and comes to mine. Hey, Bobby…just gimme a bit okay…I got another one in the fridge…and so I share only to find there is nothing in the fridge, forget the cake. I make a scene crying and ranting and then hit the bed. Debbie is not all that wicked, you know…when I wake up the next morning…I would see a Good Morning note with a plump piece of cake with my favorite apple pie. Happiness happens when you least expect it and it’s one of those moments. She would’ve emptied her piggybank just to get back to me….oh ! how I love my sister and this Cards For Sister Day I am gonna make sure she gets the most beautiful cards ever received….remember, it’s time to wish your partner in crime of old days, wink* wink*

Say ‘Cheese’ Day [ Aug 7 ] Trust Ron to deliver ! Well, this incident happened, last Say ‘Cheese’ Day and you know how our perpetual foodie celebrated ! Of course, he read between the words and chose cheese….yup, you guessed it right. “Cheers !” he went…yes, he had popped a bubbly open and the champagne was flowing with rhythmic clink of the glasses. Ah ! the cheese ?! It was right there as a prop. Hear his reasoning, “Bob ! Science Man, pure unadulterated Science !” “Oh, Yeah ! (sure) Of course, Bobby, it’s just that you know, the cheese forms an extra coating in the liver” “So…” (tough to keep up with the reasoning of a drunkard until you’re as much drunk) “Use your imagination Bob…the extra coat…gives you more space and capacity…you see…you stand sober even after two six packs” he beamed ! “Voila, Ron, you’re a genius !” Well…he never talked about the digestion part…you see…he threw up twice and nose dived from the sprawling bed to the floor….had a black eye ‘coz of brawl with me….Science ! Pure Science ! “Good Morning, Ron !” He didn’t bother to respond….Can’t blame him…!

Prank Night [ Aug 8 ] You all remember what Steve did last time in the mall, right…?! He literally blackmailed me of repeating the same this Prank Night if I don’t treat him right. Do I have a choice…? He almost got me bankrupt ordering all the goodies and pampering himself. And to top it all, literally, he took me on an elevator ride in the mall to the top floor where there is an observatory to view the creatures of the sky. Whatever ! But the trouble was not at the top, but on the way up ! Yes, he started his games in the elevator. When someone entered in the first floor, he smiled at me and said, “I told you.” The lady gave us a troubled look. Three more people got in the second floor. Then he moved to the rear of the elevator, turned on his back, and announced, “Bob ! There’s a backdoor here !” His antics were too much to bear so I had to hold by chain grasp and threatened to hurt him bad. Trust Steve to pull a prank even in a closed box. Grrrrrrrr…..I sure will get back to him for this…

Big news, friends ! This one will shake up the planet…

Cheesecake Day [ Jul 30 ] My buddy Ron figures that he’s found the formula for everlasting peace on earth ! “So what are the magic words ?” I asked. “Not words, only word,” he replied, “KISS is the solution to all our problems !” Uh, oh ! Not again… Ron continued, “KISS, my dear fellow, means Keep It Short ‘n Simple ! Look at me. My motto in life is - Food is Good. See ? No conflict, no confusion. A pilgrimage to the corner joint once in a while, like on Cheesecake Day and Hamburger Day, and I’m content. Think what will happen if everybody thought like me !” Global starvation, most likely ! Of course, I didn’t express my thoughts in front of Ron. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’d conflict quite violently with his contentment !

Kiss Your Car Day [ Jul 30 ] Rick the NASCAR freak has somehow managed to scourge and save and got tickets for the event. The Auto Race was a sight to behold, of course, but the rash on-the-edge driving makes Megan go groggy. Still since Rick insisted Megan made the trip with our gang. For Steve it was the ultimate Final Frontier, he hasn’t ever been to the event, of course the gadget-man wouldn’t lose it for anything in the world. The event was beamed in the freeze-frame monitors all over the place. And once the race began, the shrieking and yelling started. Dudes and dames of colors and creed joined in the fun, even Meggy loosened up a bit. All hell broke loose when the race entered the final lap, Steve had wagered on one particular vehicle to top and it was inching it’s way towards the flag. Suddenly Steve has become the gang-leader of the merry makers, he was so sucked into it that he leaned to his antic ways, jumping, hugging anybody and everybody, egging them all to voice for his vehicle, utter chaos, and the cameraman couldn’t resist, but for an instant capture Steve and he danced on the screen all over the venue ! He wagered right, his car reached the pole first and Steve couldn’t control himself, he jumped the defense and ran to the vehicle and kissed the car. He literally stole the show from the Champion. You gotta hand it to Steve !

Father-In-Law Day [ Jul 30 ] Aaliyah is Jewish, you know that already, right folks ?! When she invited me home for dinner this time, I was ready. You all know that experience, last time I was there. I am yet to patch up with her old man. Anyways, to impress him good, I got him his favorite Champagne Krug Rose, cost me a fortune…a would be father-in-law deserves as much on Father-In-Law Day ! My plan was to pacify him with the drink, I am sure he is no yak-yak person, so just a small talk would do and then try to sneak Aaliyah out for the night and we could hit a disco and well, the night would still be young. Smiled to myself at my fantasies; reached her place and greeted her dad with the good ol’ Krug. Guess what…he held a perfect beauty in his hands, the old man has got me a vintage Dom Perignon…Voila ! We sat down for dinner and the mood was festive at the table. Had a good time there and retired for a drink. I assured Aaliyah, I will behave and won’t loose talk with her dad and be polite and meet her in a while. So we clinked our glasses for a “Cheers !” and then he started. I found him a warm person with a great sense of humor. The best part was he was not afraid making fun of himself. That touched me. I opened up a bit and with the bubbly doing it’s trick, I threw caution to the winds and opened my biography and anecdotes. We hit it off like a house on fire and there was no stopping us. When we were through or should I say, when I lay flat, it was three in the morning ! Well, Aaliyah didn’t complain neither…she was just curious how it all came about. Of course, with guys it isn’t that tough once the facade is down, I told her that and she still didn’t get it. No wonder…we are too simple to crack, guys, I mean and they think we are a mystery, go figure !

Always Live Better Than Yesterday [ Jul 31 ] Today morning Steve hit me with a bummer of a question ! I was nicely minding my own business tending to my car in the garage when I saw that he had very inconveniently positioned himself on the bonnet and was staring into deep space ! “Hello sir,” I said, trying to get his mind back to planet Earth, “Could you please park your backside someplace else so that I can get along with my repairs ?” He turned to stare at me with dreamy eyes and hoarsely whispered, “Tell me, if Wal-Mart is lowering prices everyday, how come nothing in the store is free yet ?” Needless to say, I was floored. But Bobby boy ain’t the editor for nothing ! I shot back with an imponderable of my own, “If it’s your philosophy to Always Live Better Than Yesterday, how come you aren’t in heaven yet ?” Great, that brought our Stevie Wonder down from the heavens pretty fast indeed ! So while he keeps staring at me wide-eyed in confusion, I pass the question to you… Any answer, folks ?

Girlfriend’s Day [ Aug 1 ] Think of Rain ! Think of Romance ! It was raining cats and dogs and I remembered Aaliyah, ah ! What do you expect ! Drove like crazy and arrived at her abode only to find a sign that read, “Men Not Allowed.” Now, what was that, she answered the door when I rang the bell and I pointed to the sign. Aaliyah, “Yeah Bob, today’s Girlfriend’s Day.” I could see Megan behind her and she went, “Bob, we are gonna catch up on a few movies with a little bit of wine and have dinner together, so now, scoot.” Hmm…”But Meggy what’s wrong with a man joining ya two eh ? You see, I would behave and….” Aaliyah cut me off, “Nah, Bobby, Men are like grapes, we have to stomp the crap out to get you to be an okay-dokey wine.” That was rude ! When two girls agree on something I better don’t say anything…I was smart enough to understand that ! I hear they cried themselves through “Step Mom” starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon on DVD and had wine and Diet Cokes all night ! Girls ! Some celebration. But by the looks of it, when I met them the next day, they had enough fun ! Ron quizzed me sarcastically, “I hear Bob you were thrown out by two girls last night.” “Oh yeah buddy ! You see, girls are like mangoes on a tree, the easy ones you can get it on the ground or at easy reach on the branch, but the best ones stay at the top, I am brave enough to climb it and these two stay right up there…” He vanished ! Did I take it too far eh ?!

It’s a conspiracy, I tell you !

Parents' Day [ Jul 22 ] I am reminded of an incident that happened in my teen days on Parent's Day. I had this cycle, American Eagle ! It was my prized possession through my schooling days and was my confidant and friend. Well, naturally I gave it the nick,"Elvis", apparently...I worshipped him, you see ! My bicycling skills were legendary in our street. When it's time to apply the brake I usually hit the peddle and naturally there were victims, Mr. Bradley who was mowing his lawn, my cousins who rode along with me, the lamp post, drain pit, etc....and "Elvis" had the tendency to break down very often.... the main ailment was the weak spokes; it's like a pack of cards....one falls, the others fall around it....and the spokes cost me $2. Big bucks for an eleven-year-old ! Twice or thrice I was reprimanded by my dad for my carelessness. Of course, my gorgeous grandma would bail me out those times. As it happens, always, it broke down again, I didn't dare tell my old man, so I just carried on with the broken spoke; heard a pop on the way; and ended up with two broken spokes. Disaster ! I calculated with all my fingers to arrive at $5 to be the expense. Hmm....Went home, didn't know what to do, and at night I plotted that terrible plan. The piggy bank that my mom exclusively kept for rainy days was my target. I did the unthinkable, I used a sewing needle to poke and extract $5 Bill folded n number of times and hid it safe in my backpack in the middle of my favorite picture book and went to sleep. The next day, I started early and moved to the Repair shop....it was closed. It had to be ! You see everything was going wrong. I had to wait watching my back around, you know, I stole money and I was sweating.... scared, and then the grumpy fellow came to fix the problem. I asked him how much would it cost....he said $5. Of course, I kept asking him if he was sure it's gonna cost $5 all through his repairing ordeal getting him as frustrated as I could. When he was through, I instantly took the Bill from the book, handed it, and fled errr...I felt the hand on my shoulder and in his hand was this $5 Bill unfolded with a big hole in the middle. Armageddon ! I started sweating like a pig, shirt sticking to my back, and he was good with words, I mean the expletives, well, I am his first trade and I pulled out something like this ! I pawned my Math book, and went to school, somehow sat through the school hours and ran home. I needed $5 now to get the book back. I usually hit the sack around 9 o' clock those days, but this time, I wasn't able to, kept tossing and turning, but the sleep eluded me....I felt myself standing up, walking and knocking my folks room and when my mom opened the door, I directly went to their bed, snuggled in and broke down, started crying like hell, and when my dad asked me what has transpired, I cried even louder. They left me cry to my fill and then got the story out of me. My dad said, "I'm proud of you Bob, you know, that you came clean, it's alright, just concentrate on your studies, now go Bobby boy hit the bed." I could see they were smiling. I didn't know why. I slept the next minute I hit my bed. If seen from a third-person perspective, it would seem funny, but for me, it ironed a flaw I was practicing !

Anti-Boredom Month [ July ] When Steve is bored you better keep away from him. You see, I learnt it the hard way ! On one of those days (?) I took him to the nearest Macy’s to kill time and he almost got us behind bars. With glassed eyes like a zombie, he moved around and the first thing he did before we took the elevator was to stare at the security camera sticking his tongue out for a few seconds, and then started combing his hair…ohmigod ! This guy is going crazy ! I pushed him to the kitchen section and he started playing with knives lying there and asked the salesgirl, “Hey, do you have anti-depression pills here ?” She scooted immediately….well, I don’t blame her, he had two knives in his hand ! I somehow managed to pull him to the next floor where he picked up a couple of shirts and went into the fitting room. Relief ! Nah ! I, well, everyone heard him yell from inside, “don’t you people have toilet paper here….that was it ! I barged in and with the help of others dragged him out the door of the mall. When he was out of the trance, he explained casually, “Bob, it’s Anti-boredom Month, and I thought I figured, I should do a few nutty things, Ya know !” Oh Yeah ! Right. Why the hell do I end up with these guys, go figure !

Monkey Day [ Jul 21 ] My sis Becky’s kids George ‘n Rachel are two of the sweetest children you’ll ever find. But I have a li’l problem… Since the time they were toddlers, my nephew ‘n niece somehow got the idea that I would be a prime target for all their nasty pranks ! I have a strong suspicion that their mom has a hand behind this unshakeable faith of theirs… probably Becky’s way of taking revenge for all the pranks I played on her when we were kids ! Anyway, every day is April Fool’s Day for me when Becky come to visit with her kids ! No matter how strict I pretend to be, those little devils can see right through me ‘n they persist in muddling up my life to the best of their abilities ! Poor me. This time they came to me with an advance warning, “Unca Bob, Monkey Day is on the way, ‘n we have decided to give you the zoo treatment !” Zoo treatment ? What on God’s green earth is that ? Nothing nice, I’m sure ! So I immediately shot back, “It’s Act Like A Caveman Day jus’ after… so how ‘bout a tit for tat ?” Ummm… that seems to have flummoxed them all right ! Whoever said ‘offence is the best defense’ actually knew a thing or two about psychological warfare, it’d seem !

Vanilla Ice Cream Day [ Jul 23 ] You do remember the ice-cream fiasco that happened a few days ago, don’t you ? The one that led to the milk shortage in our area ? Okay, for those who missed the story, here’s a quick recap. Poor Steve had probably got up on the wrong side of his bed one morning ‘n had the temerity of suggesting to Kelly that maybe, jus’ maybe, she wasn’t such a whiz with ice-cream as she was with cookies ‘n pies ! Kelly took up the challenge ‘n made deliciously heavenly ice-cream for everyone in our locality to prove a point, leading to a drastic drop in milk supply for a couple of days ! Her ice-cream was such a hit that we queued up at her door again this time for an encore. But Kelly stood firm. “That was jus’ to show you impertinent fellas, what magic The Great Kelly can stir up in her kitchen. I wouldn’t do it again if it ain’t a special day…” As we stood around with our long faces, it was the ol’ villain of the piece Steve who surprised us by coming to our rescue !” “Hey Kitchen Queen,” he perked up, “Vanilla Ice Cream Day ‘n Ice Cream Cone Day are on the same date this time ! A double ice-cream bonanza day… how much more special can it get ?” Kelly smiled ! Yaaaahooooooo !!! Look out New York. Here comes the milk crisis again !

Ice Cream Day [ Jul 15 ] Okay, guys… this is an early warning announcement ! Anybody who lives in and around Kelly’s neighborhood better rush out ‘n get your weekly quota of milk in advance before stocks run out ! And trust me, there’s a good chance of that happening ! So while you’re getting your pots ‘n pans in order, lemme give you some background information about the impending crisis. As most of you folks are aware, my geeky buddy Steve is somehow responsible for most of the weird things that occur in our city. This time is no exception. And he precipitated this crisis with a single comment to Kelly… (while munching on her delicious cookies ‘n pies too, the cheek of the fella !) Our whole gang was nicely sitting around and devouring the delicacies Kelly had prepared for us when suddenly Steve remarked, “Kelly can do magic with cookies ‘n cakes, but is she any good with ice-cream ?” You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. Then we watched as Kelly turned dark red in anger… “This Ice Cream Day,” she declared with vehemence, “I’m going to show the whole neighborhood whether Kelly can make great ice-cream or not !” She glared at Steve ‘n continued, “And you’re gonna love it soooooo much, that on Peach Ice Cream Day you’re goin’ to come begging to Kelly for more of the magic stuff !” Oops ! Get the milk, guys. Time’s running out !

Coffee Day [ Jul 24 ] “Coffee is the secret of my success !” That was Rick in hyperactive mode, declaring his ‘macho’ness to the universe… “What success ?” I mumbled ‘n yawned at the same time. “All you do is zip around in your car all day with your girlfriends.” “Exactly ! That’s what I’m talking about !” He was nearly jumping with enthusiasm ! “The secret of my immense, tremendous, runaway success with the fairer sex is coffee !” Well, that’s new ! Whoever knew that the morning java had such magical properties ? I simply arched my eyebrows. “Look at it this way,” continued Rick with unabated exuberance… “Coffee gives me all the energy, all the mojo… that’s what gives me all the oomph ‘n confidence ! If I had a say, Coffee Day ‘n Coffee Milkshake Day would be federal holidays !” Hmmm… what can I say ? Thank the powers that be that the ‘say’ of a certain person is limited to jus’ one vote !